When Hot Chocolate is spiked--The GW Fanfic
by kindra-chan
Summary: Really, really weird. Dorothy wants to be a rose bride, Duo is a used car slesman, a little bit o' crossoverishness. Oi vey


When hot chocolate is spiked-The Gundam Wing Fanfic  
  
Written by Kindra and her sidekick, Hana a.k.a. Akira Yuy *sweatdrop*  
  
WARNINGS: one word: "random." However, if you live in my world, random is good. This was written at 4:15 am a few days ago, yadda yadda, you know the pathetic lame excuses or whatever. Another thing, both authors love Heero very much. Why have we been so cruel? Dunno, Duncare. We promised him a party afterward though ~.^ Other warnings? Yaoi-ness and stuff.  
  
DISCLAIMERS: *rolls eyes* Okay, me nor my sidekick own Gundam Wing, Utena, Evangelion, X, The Simpsons, Bring It On, The Babysitters Club books, My Little Pony, Akira, Cheerios, Digimon, Monty Python or Escaflowne. I sure as hell can tell you it'd rock if I did. ^_^ The song "Funky Monkey" was written by the lead singer in the band I'm in known as "Damn boy, yo ain't right!" There is one thing I do own though, and that is Slacker Trieze. Slacker Treize is miiiiiiiiine! . .. And now, the story.  
  
Chapter 1  
  
Dorothy's eyes glittered as she watch the shoujo anime on one of Romofeller's security cameras.  
  
"Oh power of Dios, come forth from within me," The purple haired girl leaned back and out from her chest protruded the handle of a sword. Another girl, one with pink hair, took hold of it and pulled, extracting the sword from the Indian chick's bust line.  
  
Dorothy was in awe. This show, one which was so full of romance and strengthening power. it touched the girl with frightening eyebrows like nothing else ever had. SHE wanted to be a rose bride!  
  
She hopped up and ran to the boys' locker room expecting excitedly to impress Relena with Wufei's sword stuck in her torso. Why? We shall never know. After all, it IS Dorothy.  
  
She threw open the doors to the room, going around looking for Wufie's handy dandy sword named Sorata (Wufei has a thing with naming his possessions after the character from X) that he always kept around. Two boys were brushing their teeth in one of the nearby sinks. They looked up and stared as Dorothy threw things into the air on her mad quest to find sexist-boy's sword.  
  
"Hey, Shinji, what's that girl with the blonde hair doing in here?"  
  
"Dunno. but wait, you can't tell that it's a girl just because it has long hair. I mean, we have guys here in the alliance with long hair like that."  
  
"Oh yeah, that Zechs or Milliardo guy. But then. Why does he have boobs?"  
  
The boy with the short black hair shrugged. "Sex change? If he can't make up his mind about his identity, what's stopping him from being gender confused as well?"  
  
"Hmm. intuitive. Good thinking, Shinji. Lets go take a shower." They spat out their toothpaste and wondered off to THAT part of the locker room, Shinji blushing and holding Kaoru's hand.  
  
"Ah-ha! Found you, Sorata!" Dorothy cried, holding Wufei's sword into the air. "And now to get Relena to be my prince." With a sudden heave, she shoved Sorata into her chest, gasping slightly as her lungs and heart were punctured. "Relena-sama! Come and take the power of Dios from my host." She stumbled out of the locker room in search for her "oji-sama" not caring about the massive amounts of blood she was loosing.  
  
****  
  
Dr. J says, "I have a claw."  
  
****  
  
A gigantic belch emerged from Treize's esophagus. "That's one more Duff for meeeeeee!" He sang. But Treize was too engaged in watching the cheerleaders chant "Brr! It's cold in here!" in Bring It On to be aware of how wasted he was.  
  
"Hey," Treize said, pointing to the TV. "She looks like Une. And she looks like Milliardo."  
  
"TREIZE!!!! Damnit, you're supposed to be at work!!!" His Housewife Une yelled from upstairs where she had been reading a cheesy romance novel. The irked tone of his girl's voice made Treize jump and he immediately went limp in order to appear asleep. However, as drunk as he was, he forgot to close his eyes in this process. Une came downstairs and stared skeptically at the large lug draped over all sides of the dilapidated couch. "Nice try. Your eyes are open. You actually thought that I would be stupid enough to believe that you were asleep?? Lazy ass slacker." She walked around to her husband and removed the bottle of Duff beer from his hand, tightening the belt of her pink bathrobe.  
  
"U~une!!" Treize whined as she flicked off the cracked TV, depriving him of the cheerleading girls.  
  
"Oh go shave. You haven't taken a shower in three days. Nor have you changed out of those hideous yellow boxers."  
  
He continued to grumble.  
  
"Glupii sløn," Une murmured in her foreign tongue. Which just so happened to be Russian. Um, yes. This is literally translated as "stupid elephant."  
  
"Don't forget to leave my cheerios on the table!" Treize said, reaching under the cushion and retrieving yet another bottle of Duff.  
  
"Their goes our retirement money." Une mumbled incoherently.  
  
*****  
  
Dr. J says, "My claw can spin in circles."  
  
*****  
  
Trowa walked into a room.  
  
"Hi, Krusty!" Chimed three little telekenetic shrivled green kids (they look like teal raisins!) in unison.  
  
"Hi Krusty!" A scary little kid named Gulliver said.  
  
"Trowa's name must be Krusty," Trowa announced. Relena also then walked into the room, dauned in a short black velvet skirt, fishnet tights with shiny boots that traced up to her knees, an ebony shirt which held her chest rather firmly, chains that added practically 15 lbs to her figure, and black lipstick and eyeliner heavy enough to battle Tammy Faye Baker in a makeup war (you know the blonde lady on that God channel. The one that Duo likes to watch). Apparently, she had also dyed her hair black, streaked it red and put it up in a mohawk.  
  
She flashed Trowa/Krusty the clown a piece sign and said, too adorably for some people's tastes, "Behold the wrath of Goth princess Relena! Well, jah- nay-mee-na-san!" She dashed away. Trowa/Krusty the clown stood blankly and blinked.  
  
*****  
  
Dr. J says, "When I push this button, my claw can grab things."  
  
*****  
  
Heero panted, beads of sweat dripping down his face. "I-I must complete this mission." He breathed. It was the only way of surviving. high school. He had to learn to get past the fourth grade reading level. "I don't wanna read about the damn Babysitters Club!" Alas, after a few minutes, Heero was soon engrossed in the plotless pink novel. "Wow! Stacey is so brave! Those kids must look up to her so much!" he said in amazement.  
  
Across the room, Quatre was happily re-organizing his collection of my little pony figures.  
  
"Here, Rainbow Starlight," he told one with purple skin, orange hair, and an ice cream cone imprinted on it's butt, "You can stand over here next to your boyfriend, Sunshine Bright." He continued to coo at the multicolored horses. Then, the door opened and Trowa/Krusty the clown came in. Heero looked up from his ever so sophisticated readings.  
  
"Hi, Krusty," He said solemnly, in that tone of Heero we all know too well.  
  
"Uh, hi, Heero," He replied uneasily, still confused to why everyone was calling him "Krusty."  
  
"Krusty! Oooh! You have to see me newest members!" Quatre chimed happily, beckoning over the boy with the infamous uni-bang.  
  
"See? These two over here, Flower Princess and Diamond Moonbeam, are in love with eachother and so are these two right here." Quatre moved the plastic horses from one place to another, showing Trowa/Krusty the clown which one liked which. "Aren't you proud, Krusty? My ponies are making yaoi!"  
  
"Uh-huh. Yes, very good, Quatre."  
  
The blonde snuggled up close to his lover.  
  
"I love you, Krusty. I'm so glad you're here with me now."  
  
"Yes, Quatre. So am I."  
  
"Oh Stacy! Don't be like that! You know you're better than the rest of those girls. Being different is a gift, Stacy! Hm. I think I'll recommend this book to Wufei."  
  
*****  
  
Dr. J, Mr. Owikawa, and Dornkirk are all sitting at a table playing bridge.  
  
*****  
  
"Hey, lady! Wanna buy a used car?!" Duo called out to Dorothy who was still wondering around with Wufei's sword, Sorata, thrust through her heart. Although, this time she had dyed her hair violet, and was wearing a crown and a red dress. She turned to look at him.  
  
"Uh. no. I don't want a used car. I'm actually looking for Relena. Tell me if you see her, okay?"  
  
Duo shrugged and replied, "Sure thing. Uh. if you don't mind my telling you, you're bleeding all over. Don't you want to take that sword out of your boobs or something?"  
  
Dorothy shook her head. "No, that's Relena's job. She's gonna be my prince!"  
  
Duo stared blankly as she continued to walk down the road.  
  
"Man, this job blows hard." He muttered, loosening the stripped tie that was bound around his neck. He had already been yelling at people to see if they wanted to buy a used car for almost an hour and he still hadn't sold one. Besides, the suit he was required to wear was very. Un-Duo-ish.  
  
"Make way for me, Lumberjack princess Relena!!" Duo looked up. The girl stood in front of him, a red plaid button down shirt topped over by a pair of overalls covering her body. Miraculously, her hair was now back to it's normal blonde braid-do again. She revved her chainsaw. "I will cut down a tree to make a house!"  
  
"Dorothy was looking for you," he told her and then murmured, "Though why I will never figure out.  
  
Oh yeah, and do you want to buy a used car?"  
  
Relena closed her eyes and sang in a weird deep voice, "Oh, I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay. I sleep all night and I work all day."  
  
"Never mind." Duo groaned, rolling his eyes.  
  
*****  
  
Milliardo was having the time of his life. in colony 30087. Yes, you know it. The one colony known for it's expansive homes for the mentally ill. Milliardo was in the looney bin.  
  
He sat inside one of the white rooms, staring calmy at the wall. Dilandau, his roommate, was cheerily setting things one fire and laughing insanely (author Kindra loves Dilly). But the tall, stunningly gorgeous blonde who is voiced by the lovely and talented Takehito Koyasu just kept sitting.  
  
"You know," he stated at last, "If you keep looking at the wall, you start to see pictures. I can see a monkey. He's climbing a branch. Oh, silly monkey." He began to sing a little ditty, "If you want to get funky, come and meet my monkey. If you don't want to get funky, don't come meet my monkey."  
  
Dilandau burned stuff.  
  
*****  
  
End, chapter one. Tune in ins around a month from now to see if I've written any more. Not that it's really worth it anyway but. meh. ^.^ 


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